2009年4月22日 星期三

The blinking line between bribery and showing gratitude


This morning I told Richy that I had nothing to write in my blog today and I will find time to make some potato salad so I can bring to Winston's violin class to share with the teacher. Richy said:" You are doing what you were against before." What? I am accused of committing a bribery via potato salad! Now I feel I had so much to say in the blog to clear the line between bribery and gratitude. And I hope I still got time to make my potato salad.

Yes, I hate the way parents bribe teachers just to get more attention on their kids. First of all, because I think treating every student fairly is a teacher's mission and bribery is a bad example for kids to learn. Sencond of all, I don't want to spend any penny out of our still-not-enough fortune in bribery. Since I was a kid, I have heard and seen some parents buy luxurious things such as wines or jewelry to the teachers every year until their kids graduate. I also knew some students tried to please their teachers through the similar way. But mine is totally different. I only want to share my cooking with my teacher friends. I do not like cooking that much, but if I try some new recipes, I will prepare more so I can share with others including my neighbors. Since I do not have many friends in this new place. Winston's music teachers and kindergarten teachers become my friends in a very natural way. We talked about various things often after school even for a few minutes every time. And we know we are of the same type, straightforward, sincere and in some way, naive. If I don't like them I would not share with them so often. And they enjoy being the recipients of my food experiments out of my kitchen. One time, my cookies came out too sweet and once my turnip desserts were too salty, they tried and we laughed. I never expect them to treat Winston better after I share food with them. Because they already treated every kids the same best. And that is why I like them and we become friends. Either way it is: to to show my gratitude or just to share. I am definitely sure that I do not want to bribe.
It had been difficult for me to show my gratitude to my teachers and elder friends, because I was such a shy person. But now Winston's teachers are mostly around my age so we easily became friends. We talk and joke. And whenever I got something to share or suffer with, I am not shy to let them try first. That is what friends are for.

So, never try to justify bribery by putting my just-to-share into the same category! To me that is quite an insult. And think of this, how would anyone appreciate my cooking if they are not friends or Winston?
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Some exercise to lose weight, others exercise to turn healthy;
Someone prays or worships god to get more fortune, others do it for peace in mind or peace in the world;
Some teach because of the pay and regular paid breaks, others teach because they enjoy teaching.
Some do research for degrees, others do research because they like to chase the unknown.
Some carry brand bags to show their status or fortune, others carry bags because they only got two hands. (--ha, I like this one.)

The acts may look similar, but the motives vary.
-- - To me, The motives matter!

To view Richy's words from a different perspective, I should take his words a compliment.
If he thinks my potato salad can bribe someone then it must taste extremely good.
Thanks, Richy. You are so DEAR!
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2 則留言:

james oh 提到...

The distinction between these two terms is very thin. As you have made a great point here, it is very much depend on the intention/ motive of the doer. The problem arises here is that it is very difficult to establish someone intention because it is hidden in the individual mind.

As such, it is very much depend on the perception of the other party. That means you have to understand him enough as how derive to his conclusion. Of course his backgorund - value; belief; upbringing and education - will determine his conclusion. Perception comes into the play again.

Coming back to your child, he may pass the statement at his convenience sake. It is not a big concerns as because it is a fact that even the well and highly educated adults cannot distinguish these two terms clearly.

The matter will be even more complex especially when the individual personal agenda were brought in.

Therefore, I am safe to infer that it is impossible to please everyone.

Perhaps you may recall the story of a father and son bringing a donkey to a far distant to sell their donkey. No matter how they deal in their situation. The bystanders along the journey will pass some criticisms, either constructive or non constructive in nature.

So, the moral of the story is you can't please everyone. Follow your heart and stand firm with your decision.

Do not react to any criticism, but response to it.

Coach your son along and give him time to understand this thin line differences - that is the only thing I can say.

May I conclude this with the verse from the Bible as below:-

DO NOT JUDGE ON APPEARANCE, BUT ON RIGHTENOUSNESS.

Trust the above is of any assistance to you.

June 提到...

James,Thanks for sharing supporting comment. Yes, it is true the backgrounds determine how we look at things. I can response to differnt views but no need to be afftected.