June's comment
I cried while reading the story. I can understand very much the feelings of the woman who married to a man trying to please his parents. I think many couples suffer more or less from communication problem. Communication would work only when two sides are willing to setback and talk things through. And communication would be easier for those who grow up with similar family backgrounds than those who don't. Unfortunately, many times people think communication is the chance to make his point clear and sticking to it for not losing the fight. It just did not work smoothly especially when the matter of family-in-law is involved. Then one side or both sides would suffer unnecessarily. The problems are worse in Asia than America or Europe where woman married to a man doesn't have to marry the whole family. I believe treating family members like friends, respecting their privacy and giving ourselves and other family members freedom, more private time, and space would create a pleasant and joyful family relationship for all. If one side is forcing the other side to put up with something she/he doesn't like, he/she would feel suffocating and would never learn to appreciate others and life, no matter what others (family members) have done for him/her. Compromise will only last temporarily. Relationship out of repeating compromises would eventually break when the hidden time-bomb is ignited by some incident. Many Regrets would then follow.
Among the complicated relationship between husband and wife and between married couple with their families in-law, if you are as lucky as I am, everyone in the family is doing things out of good intentions. When there is argument or fight, it is not the time to say who is right or wrong because everyone is in different shoes and everyone is right in their position. But it is definitely unwise to force others to wear the shoes that don't fit. At this point, most of us are not so lucky to avoid compromises.
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Thanks for linking to my blog and your wise advice.
Cheers and have a lovely day,
June, Thanks to James and you for sharing the story on domestic violence and your comments, which caused tears of my own. This is such a tragedy that I can only imagine since I have not personally experienced. I have, however, counseled many who have. As the poet said of her experience, it goes on again and again and . . . until one gets out! Special blessings to you.
Thanks to James for this story. I told my husband the story and discussed about the situations. We both learn from the story.
I hope more couples learn from the story and live a better life.
Dan,
I believe a person like you would seldom experience the difficulties in relationship. However your comment sounded very understanding about those situations. Your effort in conseling the ones who suffered is greatly appreciated.
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